Coyote's Tale (1)

Hey -- HEY! What was that? Did I ask for a cut to the news desk? Huh? I didn't think so. Sheesh! I don't get no respect around here.

So anyways, where were we?

Oh yes -- Crow and Me. So there I was, loping across the desert to visit my Cousin Vito. Vito's good people, you know? We had a great afternoon planned. Chase some squirrels, roll around in some carrion, play chicken with the flatfaces down on the highway, all capped off with an evening howl down at Eagle's Rock. His mate had the pups for the day and the boys were going out on the sage. Let me tell you, it was going to be a great time. As I said, Vito's good people.

So anyways, there I was, loping across the desert when who do I see but Crow, hanging out on the mesa with his clan. He must have had a good dozen of his Brothers with them, and man -- were they decked out to the nines. Right away, I knew something was going down. I don't know why they thought they could start the show without me, but there they were, singing and chanting and dancing up on top of the rock. So I dashed on over and asked Crow, "Hey, whazzup, brother?"

Well, Crow gave me that funny one-eyed stare of his and cawed, "Get lost, doggie. Can't you see my flock is doing the Sun Dance? Now is not the time. Scram."

You know Crow. Just as rude as can be, especially when his feathers are ruffled. But me, I was intrigued. I had heard about these here Sun Dances, and I figured that I could use a bit of that magic that Crow was stirring up. Wasn't my agent just telling me that I had lost it? Well, this here seemed like a perfect opportunity to gain it right back, and revive my stage career to boot. So I took a few steps back to let Crow cool off, and sat myself down on my haunches to see what would happen next.

As I sat back and watched, though, I realized that the Sun Dance was small potatoes. Hell, it was hardly good enough to entertain the tourists down in New Mexico. Sure, Crow and the Brothers were into it -- and they did look good, I had to give them that -- but it just didn't have that pizzazz, you know what I mean? I've been in this biz a long time, let me tell you, and I just couldn't see how I was going to make it fly. It certainly wasn't the career saver I needed, that's for sure.

Except ... except ... except ...

What if I really COULD make it fly? Better yet, what if I could make ME fly? Sure, bunch of Crows doing a Sun Dance, circling up into the air, seen it a million times, how's that going to draw a crowd? But a Sun Dance led by a freaking FLYING COYOTE ... now there's a blockbuster! This I have to tell my agent about. Once word gets out, he'll need freakin' surgery to remove the phone from his ear, we'll be getting so many calls. And the numbers -- oh yeah, I knew the numbers were going to be huge on this one. It was time for me to be back on top of the heap, baby! Coyote is in the house! Get my agent on the phone!

But then I realized I didn't have cell phone coverage out here in the desert. And that my agent was on vacation in the Bahamas. And that I was supposed to be over at Vito's house, anyways.

And, most importantly, I remembered that I couldn't fly any more than I could eat grass without throwing up. It's just not in a Coyote's repetoire, you know what I mean? Which I guess was kinda the reason why a flying coyote would be such a draw in the first place.

Still, my heart sank. Such a beautiful concept, brought down by such mundane details. I was so bummed, I felt like letting out a world-class howl right there. But being the self-assured dude that I am, I just sat down and sighed while I watched Crow & Co. continue their Sun Dance up on the mesa.

...

Wow, but look at the time! Looks like it's getting late, campers ... so we'll continue this story right after this commercial break. See you tomorrow!